5 Times Barry flinched from Cisco and the 1 time Cisco cared
by 0re0C00ki35.xo
Summary: Originally named "5 times Barry flinched from Cisco and Cisco didn't care, and the 1 time he did." Exactly what it says on the tin.


It only happened a few times at first. Cisco shrugged it off like it was nothing, thinking it could have been because Barry was just edgy from his recent fight with a meta, or because he was naturally anxious... or hell, even just too tired to even prepare for Cisco to touch him: Rest a hand on his shoulder; go to hug him; or raise a hand to give him a hi five.

They'd reconciled, Cisco had finally forgiven Barry Allen for Flashpoint and everything that happened after. Sometimes, he wished he had forgiven him earlier. Then maybe it wouldn't feel so awkward when Cisco was near Barry (who seemed to guard himself or slowly edge away). It was like Barry was afraid of him, and each time it happened Cisco would get this pang in his chest because 'he caused his own best friend to be scared of him'.

He had never been close with his real brother, and now he had destroyed the closeness between his other brother because of it.

And he hated it because it hurt.

He'd seen it before, however before then he was too angry to acknowledge it. But now, now he wanted it to just go away and for things to go back to the way they were.

'You made sure that would never happen.' A voice echoed inside his head and Cisco couldn't help but agree.

He remembered all the times it happened.

It wasn't too long after Flashpoint, it was when Cisco had - rightfully but regretfully - blamed Barry for the murder of his brother...

XXX

Cisco was angry. He'd never felt the amount of inner rage storming through him so violently before. He wanted to punch something, because here they were, with Caitlin in the pipeline, screaming at Barry and blaming him for everything that's happened around him.

For instance, his brothers' death.

He couldn't believe it. His best friend had got Dante killed out of pure selfishness. He wanted something he couldn't get and decided that the horrific consequences wouldn't matter. He hated it. He hated Barry.

He watched as Caitlin blamed Barry for his parents', Ronnie, and Eddie's deaths. He watched as Barry clenched his jaw and occasionally flinched at Caitlins' words, each one obviously like salt in an open wound.

He glared at Barry as the man shuffled away from him, and crossed his arms over his chest like some sort of armour - protecting himself for the hate that was bound to come.

'Good.' Cisco's first thought was. Even though Cisco knew that if he really really tried, he would understand Barry's reasons, he simply enjoyed being angry and hating Barry.

Something to blame.

And he loved it.

In that moment, Cisco didn't care that Barry had flinched away from his best friends.

Alas, Caitlin did.

After Barry had oh so heroically 'cured' Caitlin, the scientist approached Cisco in S.T.A.R after everyone else (including Barry) had retreated to their homes.

"Um... Cisco?" A timid voice had spoke behind him. He turned around and his eyes softened at the nervous woman in front of him.

"Yeah?"

She sat down in the chair beside him, drawing his attention away from 'Nyan Cat' on the computer. "Can we talk?"

Cisco nodded, "What about?"

"About Barry." She breathed, already cringing at the inevitable reaction to come, and knowing whatever hate radiated from one brother to another, it was completely and utterly, her fault.

Cisco's blood boiled. He looked away, clenching his fists and jaw, "I don't even want to think about him."

Caitlin looked pleading at him, "Please, Cisco! I-I'm worried about him."

"His leg is healed, Cait and he can walk just fi-"

"I mean mentally. Emotionally."

Cisco halted, concern momentarily wracking his frame before he remembered, 'he killed my brother', 'he ruined Caitlin's life'. He scoffed, "What? You think he is having a long term pity party for one?"

Caitlin wouldn't back down, "Hear me out."

Cisco sighed, knowing how stubborn Caitlin could be. He closed his eyes and gestured for her to continue.

She took a deep breath, looking away in slight guilt, "When, when I was in the pipeline, and I said those things to him, even as Killer Frost I- I saw him... flinch. Not out of fear or anything, he flinched away from me when I blamed him, but he also flinched away from you, and you didn't say anything. I guess it's just... I think he is going to isolate himself out of self blame or... self hate... and Joe already told me stories of when Barry was a kid and he went down that dark path and I feel like he might go down it again and I just-"

Cisco raised a hand to stop her from continuing, "Caitlin, you're babbling."

She stopped and looked at him apologetically, "Sorry, I just... "

"Look, Barry's fine. He always is. Don't worry about him. And anyway, everything he gets right now he kinda deserves." He muttered the last part under his breath so quietly even Caitlin couldn't hear him.

"Just tell me if you notice anything, okay?" Caitlin said pleadingly.

Cisco rolled his eyes and turned back to the computer, no longer interested with the conversation or Barry. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Knowing that was all she could get out of the grieving boy, Caitlin smiled and uttered a thanks before bidding him a goodnight and leaving the building.

All Cisco did was continue his game as if nothing happened.

Because Barry was fine. He was a selfish boy who only cared about himself. And Cisco hated him.

Everything Barry got he most certianly deserved.

XXX

There were other times. But Cisco can't put them in the right place... God there were so many. How did he let it go this far?

He remembered when he had pushed Barry. Out of anger. Hate. Grief.

He had wanted to punch him, but in that moment he felt like if he did he wouldn't stop. 'Gladly' he had thought.

He put the blame on Barry, watching as he approached the man, Barry visably tensed. And then he pushed him, and Barry hadn't fought back.

Why didn't he fight back?

Cisco had wanted him to fight back, he wanted to justify beating the shit out of Barry. But Barry just stood there... and took it.

Cisco shouted at him, throwing hurtful words his way - ones he knew he would eventually regret. In his moment of anger and grief, Cisco stormed out of the cortex, knowing if he stayed he would say something that would shatter any relationship the two had left.

A while afterwards, Barry remained in the labs, wondering aimlessly around the cortex. Cisco came in holding a tablet, immeadiately noticing the other mans' presence. They held eye contact, before Cisco hardened his expression, and stood straighter. Barry remained in place, no longer looking around the cortex with some strange nostalgic wonder, instead now choosing that the floor was engrossly intresting.

Cisco ignored him, his blood yet again boiling and his adreniline pumping. He saw his jacket in the med-bay. He brushed past Barry to go get it when he felt a spark of electricity go through his arm and shoot around in the air. He whipped round, to find Barry 5 meters away from where he was standing prior.

Cisco studied the other man. Watching as he looked shocked at his own actions.

Reflex, Cisco concluded. Wait, why did Barry move away from him on instinct?

Was he afraid of Cisco?

'Killed Dante' the voice was back in his head, beckoning him to remain mad a Barry.

He submitted. Cisco scoffed at the other man, his eyes shining with disgust as he turned and grabbed his jacket. He tried his best to ignore the tears shining in Barry's eyes as he stormed out of S.T.A.R labs.

He ignored it, knowing that he shouldn't care. He had the right to no longer care about Barry. And Barry deserved it.

But alas, he still remembers.

And he hated it.

It reminded him of the time when the Dominators attacked, and Team Flash had joined with Team Arrow, Supergirl and the Legends' to fight the aliens.

Cisco, being the absolute asshole he was, had decided to force Barry to admit to his Team that he had created Flashpoint. He remembered the amount of hate of Diggle's and Sara's faces when Barry had told them what had changed. He had even cringed himself at the pure burning fire behind their eyes. There was no doubt that very expression masked his own.

He watched as the whole team left to save the President without Barry, as if he wasn't to be trusted anymore. And he had smiled, because he thought Barry deserved it.

Oliver however, disagreed.

As Barry walked off to god knows where, not daring to go near or even look as Cisco, Olivers' own deadly glare focused on him. Cisco was confused, why was Oliver mad at him? He should be mad at Barry.

"Cisco, what the hell was that?!" The vigilante growled.

"What? They needed to know. Their leader was lying to them. How was I wrong?" Cisco raised his hands.

"You think an alien invasion was the best time to tell them that? Are you that idiotic?! This is life or death! And you just made sure that no one has Barry's back but me and Supergirl!" Oliver yelled.

Cisco swallowed nervously, aware of how close he was to getting an arrow to the head. "How are you not mad at him?"

"What?" The Arrow looked at him in confusion.

"H-how are you not mad about Flashpoint?"

Oliver scoffed, "Because I've suffered loss, Cisco. I know what it feels like to want to bring them back, screw everything else. Willing to trade places. I know how guilt and blame feels. I know how Barry felt that day and how he feels now. I would have expected the same from you."

With that, the vigilante left, following Barry, leaving Cisco speechless. He was slowly realising Oliver was completely right, so he decided to think about everything else. Caitlin. What Barry did to Caitlin. Nothing justified that, no matter what Oliver says.

He scoffed, before turning back to face Felicity, asking what was happening with the current mission.

XXX

He realised maybe if he had listened to Oliver, just maybe, none of this would have happened. If he had just said the words, "I forgive you." Or "Sorry for being an ass." Then maybe him and Barry would be bros again.

'S.T.A.R labs forever.' He remembered saying that to Barry before he left to save him mother.

Wait.

Flashpoint would have been created earlier if Barry had actually saved his Mother, theoretically. But at that point, Barry had their support.

Was Cisco only mad because he didn't have a say in the matter?

God, Barry only did what he was going to do a year prior, just after he lost his other parent.

How could any human being be mad at that?

Good one Cisco.

Cisco remembered when he yelled at Barry. It was after Barry had yet again refused to change time and save his brother. Cisco justified it as fixing his mistakes. But Barry had repeatedly denied giving Cisco that oppurtunity.

He had shouted something along the lines of "I don't care!" With a thick voice and tear filled eyes. His fists were clenched at his sides, and his whole body was shaking. He was so angry he barely noticed Barry jump at the sudden loudness of his voice and drop whatever he was holding. Barry's eyes whipped to face him, stumbling back slightly, his face barely withholding the fear he felt.

Cisco was quiet for barely a moment, shocked at what Barry just did. He collected himself, remaining cold and angry, he couldn't back down.

They both continued as if nothing happened, Cisco blaming Barry once more and Barry talking about bearing heavy burdens.

And yet again, Cisco never sought Barry out after his strange behavior towards Cisco.

XXX

Maybe this was his punishment for his own ignorance, Cisco concluded.

It would make sense. Like some sort of penance - losing both his brothers.

Karma's a bitch.

There was one more time Cisco could clearly remember this happening. One more time he chose to leave Barry to his own guilt and sorrow, rather then let them both comfort each other.

It was right when Cisco was opening a portal to try to find Kara on Earth-38. He mentioned to Barry about how unforgiven he was and how Cisco was currently just his collegue. He watched as Barry swallowed nervously, his head bobbling slightly as he considered Cisco's words.

Cisco didn't care though, his head was splintering at the sheer force of the portal, and his eyes burned beneath the glasses. His mouth felt dry as he focused.

When the portal opened moments (even though it felt like hours) later, Cisco - without warning Barry - grabbed the other man's wrist in a firm grip so that he could drag hum through. He felt Barry try to yank his wrist away almost instantly, and scarcely aknowledged how Barry jumped from him. He glanced at Barry through his glasses, concern glazing over him (who would be able to fight the dominators?) and watched as he slowly relaxed, ready to step through.

Honestly, Cisco would have asked about it, but his head hurt and lungs burned to much to care. Not that he had to anyway, Barry killed Dante.

Through the third portal, they finally arrived at Kara's place. And Cisco was just about to ask Barry if they could speak somewhere else (like another Earth real quick so Kara couldn't listen in) when he heard Barry introduce him as a 'friend'.

His blood boiled because Barry yet again did not listen to what Cisco said. He glared at Barry for a split second, before returning a kind gaze to Kara and correcting Barry on the term of friendship. The smile Barry had plastered on his face (when was the last time Barry smiled around Cisco?) immeadiately vanished, morphing into a sorrowful frown.

Cisco nearly wanted to apologise, aware himself on how... down... Barry had been recently. But that voice screaming in his head about Dante and Flashpoint and Barry drowned out his thoughts.

It was a good thing he had made a mental note to ask Barry about his behaviour later.

And he intended too, he really had intended to... but then he had forgiven Barry and everything seemed forgotten, including his behaviour.

He had forgiven Barry out of understanding in the end, realising he had also fucked up the timeline so bad he had brought an alien invasion to Earth... despite the fact he was only trying to make things better.

He had realised how easy it could be to make that mistake, and how... disgusted you feel with yourself afterwards. And he had forced Barry to feel that for months.

Now he wished he hadn't. Or he wished Barry would do the same to him because he had been such a shitty friend and Cisco deserved it. Barry never did.

He watched as Barry simplified his sacrificing his life to the dominators in order to fix Cisco's (and partially Barry's) mistake. He watched as Barry began to walk away for the final time, truly not believing that anyone cared enough to stop him. Cisco wanted to shout, to scream and beg him to come back, but his words failed him. They died in his throat which felt thick with bile.

Thank God for Oliver Queen.

"Barry I'm not letting you leave."

His chest ached as Barry scoffed, asking exactly who would stop him. But he smiled triumphantly and apoligetically at Barry as Kara said, "This one."

He watched as Barry's eyes widened in shock and awe, as if he was truly suprised that these people - that Cisco - didn't want him to sacrifice himself. And that pang in his chest was back.

He had knocked Barry's self esteem so far down that Barry believed nobody cared.

He cared. Cisco really, really cared.

He hoped the words "You're my friend." Spoke everything Cisco had failed to say. He hoped they were enough.

They weren't. They were too late.

And now, here he was, sitting in his silent apartment (Barry had quietly moved out while Cisco was at the labs a few weeks ago, not mentioning anything to Cisco) wondering where it had all gone wrong.

It was today, this very day where Cisco had had enough.

It was a simple action. He and Barry were in the pipeline, locking away some angry metahuman while Caitlin and the rest of the team were upstairs. He had raised a hand for a high-5, dropping it immeadiately when Barry halted in his tracks, practically ducking out of the way. Did Barry really think Cisco would hit him?

"Woah, dude, what was that?" He asked lightly, already hoping Barry would just spill his bottle of bottled emotions now.

"Sorry, I-uh... I'm just tired." Barry visably lied.

"You've done that before." Cisco mumbled tonelessly.

Barry turned to face him again, his eyes full of understanding et his face one of confusion, "Done what?"

Cisco looked into Barry's eyes, knowing this conversation was happening, and he had to get through to Barry. "Flinched. You've flinched from me before."

Barry broke eye contact, his eyes darting around the room. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again. He started to figit, slightly uncomfortable with the conversation.

Cisco watched as Barry clammed up, "S-sorry, I-I never noticed. Might have been because I was just jumpy from a fight or something." He laughed lightly. But Cisco, knew Barry was trying to shrug it off, trying to ignore the problem in hopes of it going away.

Not this time, Cisco thought.

He was going to get his brother back... no matter what.

"No! Barry, please... we need to talk about this!" Cisco flailed his arms in the air.

"About what?" Barry still acted clueless.

Cisco calmed down, "J-just, you know I would never hit you, right? Unless I was forced to by some meta or something but I would never intentionally hurt you? Tell me you know that."

Barry hesitated. And that was all Cisco needed. His eyes filled with tears as he muttered, "Oh my God, what have I done?"

He turned away from Barry, rubbing his temples as self loathing settled in his brain. He heard Barry sigh, "Cisco..."

"Barry I'm sorry!" Cisco yelled firmly, silencing anything the other man was about to say. The confusion and shock written all over his face caused Cisco to have what he would call 'Word Vomit'...

Cisco started to ramble, "I-I should never have been mad at you for Flashpoint! I-I could always see why you did it but this voice in my head screamed at me that y-you killed Dante and I c-couldn't find it in myself to forgive you! I should have. I should have forgiven you, because now here we are! You afriad of me! I never meant for this to happen Barry! I never wanted you to think that I hate you or would hurt you! I was just angry and grieving and then you came along blaming yourself and you were just someone to blame but I-I... There were so many times I could have spoke to you about this and fixed out friendship but instead I said things I never meant and did things I never should have done to you. I hurt you while you were hurting because I was hurting and I am just so so sorry!" Tears were streaming down his face as he paced. He stopped and turned to look at Barry when he heard no reply.

Barry stood, hands in his pockets, still. His head was turned toward the floor, his brown hair flopping down slightly - hiding his face (which Cisco knew was streaked with tears). The man sniffled, shooting his head up so fast Cisco was afraid he'd get whiplash. Clenching his jaw and nodding slightly (not looking at Cisco of course - the window seemed so interesting) he took a deep breath and choked out, "It's okay."

Cisco growled in frustration, startling Barry, "No! No it's not! Be mad at me Barry, please! I need you to be mad at me! I deserve it! Do something, Barry! You can't just... just forgive me like that! It isn't fair!" Cisco whined the last part as if he were 4 years old.

Barry's face contourted into one of confusion and 'what the fuck'... "How is that not fair?!"

'Because I hurt you Barry! And you just for-forgiving me like that makes me feel worse because it makes me realise you were too kindhearted and... and... innocent for that! Please just be mad at me! I want to fix us!" Cisco was nearly sobbing.

Barry looked at him again, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. He remained silent, as did Cisco. Their sniffles and breathing being the only sound echoing in the room. Their eyes danced around each other, neither daring to look at the other. Their tasks were rendered unsuccessful when every now and then they caught eye contact.

Five minutes into their awkward silence, they both caught each others eyes', both watching as the other held themselves, trying to piece back their stoick composure.

One minute they were staring, both yearning for one thing, when suddenly Cisco said, "Screw it."

Barry relaxed (wait when was he so tense?), and both boys stormed towards each other, tears streaming down their faces. They collided in a tight, real, passionate hug. Each of them hiding their faces in the crook of the others necks. Sobs and mutteres apologies and 'I forgive you's could be heard amongst the two brothers.

Cisco cried as he held on to the one thing he never wanted to lose. He thanks any God or Angel out there for allowing him this second chance, this resolvement he could use to regain a brotherhood he once destroyed.

He held the sobbing boy in his arms, guilt clawing at his chest visciously as he acknowledged how much blame he had for the mess Barry had become. However hope and relief also fluttered in his chest as he held him - because Barry had come to him for comfort, and he hadn't flinched.

He remembered he times he had, and how much it had hurt (deep down underneath that gnawing anger he had grown to feel). He had watched it happen, smiling. But now, now he hated it. He felt so fucking relieved when Barry had let him hug him, because it gave Cisco a chance, it gave him hope that maybe... just maybe... he didn't lose two brothers.

He could get one back.

It would take time, effort and determination to get back to the way they were before, but Cisco will be damned if he wasn't going to try. He didn't know if it would work, but he knew one thing...

He would never ever ever let things go that far again. He would never hurt Barry again. He would never let Barry get that hurt again... he'd stop it. He would protect Barry from anyone, even himself, if it meant he'd never have to see those dull eyes holding a shattered soul.

He listened and cried as Barry sobbed into his shoulder, shaking immensely. He held him tight, letting him know that he was not alone, and that Cisco would never leave him alone again.

Cisco swore on Dante's grave that he would never make his brother feel the need to flinch from him again.

As both broken boys cried, seeking each others comfort, they both knew one thing:

Things were going to be alright.


End file.
